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Chronicles of Nowhereland

The Life and Times of a Witty Southern Belle in Small Town, USA.

8 Types of Guys a Woman Will Meet in Mississippi 

 
*Note: This is a just for fun, meant to be funny post. Foul language is throughout. If easily offended, please proceed elsewhere. 

1.) The Redneck

The redneck is a breed of his own. He has an obsession with his piece of shit truck, which sits on tires that are ten sizes too big and jacked up to Jesus. This truck usually dawns the confederate flag and some sort of hunting reference about killing anything that walks. He was furious over the court’s recent desk ion to change the state flag, and blames it all on the nigger loving liberals. He thinks his woman should cook, clean and bear his children, preferably a son, and otherwise keep her damn mouth shut. Hurry ladies before they’re all gone!

2.) The Wannabe

The wannabe is most commonly referred to, by all races, as the wigger. By definition, a wigger is a white boy who thinks he is black. He wears anything endorsed by P. Daddy and the fiber glass on his shitty Mazda shakes to the beats of Yo Gotti. Careful ladies, you just might get hypnotized by his jailhouse tattoos. Does not play well with the redneck.

3.) The Baseball Player

Flat bill hats and jersey shirts are a must for this ball playing beaux. He may play other sports, but baseball is his obsession. His life goal is to get a scholarship, play college ball, major in physical education, and spend the rest of his life as a little league coach. So far so good, huh ladies. Well, just wait until baseball season. You will have to take a backseat on the bleachers.

4.) The Lover

The loved cries a lot and is very sensitive. He falls in love quite easily, but will make you feel exceptionally special. That is until you realize he’s basically fell in love with every girl that has ever given him the least bit of attention. He will become clingy and too available, and you will have to dump his whiny ass. After which he will cry, curse you, and accuse you of ruining his life. But don’t you worry about him. He will be loved up with another chick in no time.

5.) The Gym Freak/Muscle Maniac

Bulging veins and a Hulk Hogan tan are this rock solid Romeo’s trademark. One word, protein. Expect to be helping with a lot of pre-planned meals with this one. Not to mention the jacked up mood swings. But hey, at least you two can go get spray tans together.

6.) The Frat Boy

Daddy’s money sure does buy a lot of friends and much more for this little prick. He parties like hell the first year at university, screws up royally, and daddy makes him go to community college for a year to straighten him out. He is a spoiled self righteous little punk and will not hide it the least bit. In his eyes he is a golden god. Although he hates the redneck, he is just a redneck in a sear sucker suit with daddy’s money.

7.) The Momma’s Boy

Ugh, the dreaded Momma’s boy. Loving your mother is one thing, but being a sissy ass Momma’s boy is another. He is a cuter version of the lover, but on the tit. This poor boy has been coddled and coochie cooed until his momma has turned him into a first class sissy. Good luck popping Momma’s titty out of his mouth long enough to get to first base.

8.) The Southern Gentleman

Ahhh always save the best for last. The southern gentleman is a true gem. He is real husband material. He has wonderful manners and will always refer to you as “ma’am.” You will fall in love with his southern charm immediately. Just make sure that he returns the favor.

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Dying in Dixie

 
When thinking about where we live, one doesn’t usually associate that with death. This is something that, at one time, I never considered either. However, experiences from the past couple of years made me think about the rural area in which I live, death and the connection between the two.
I live in Marshall County, Mississippi, which is in the Northern part of the state. Our neighboring counties, such as Lafayette and Desoto, are thriving with hospitals and highly rated Doctor’s offices. But, this is a good forty-five minute drive for me. We only have one hospital, which has more pending lawsuits than Bill Cosby. We also have a few Doctor’s offices and clinics, that are lacking to say the least. I’ll get to those later, but first, I want to share with you my personal experiences that made me start to question the medical incompetence of my county.

When I was 22 years old, I had a horrible car accident, that left me with a dissected carotid artery. As a result, a carotid stent had to be placed. Luckily, the accident did not happen in Marshall County, and I was able to be taken to the MED in Memphis, Tennessee. The MED was amazing, and because of the prompt care by the wonderful Doctors there, I am able to write this today. My point in telling you this, is what if something goes wrong with my stent? Where am I to be taken in order to save my life? The MED is a good hour and a half away from me. I would be long gone by then. In addition, I doubt the one hospital in Marshall County even has a cardiologist on there three stories of malpractice. This has been a concern of mine since my stent was placed, but it is a concern that I have to live with.

One day not long ago, when I was working for an attorney’s office, I cute my finger with a box cutter while opening a new shipment of office supplies. It was obvious that I needed stitches, so I thought, “What the hell,” and decided to give our hospital a shot. I came to check in with my finger all wrapped up and bloody. There were two men in the waiting room with me that looked like they were homeless and just there for the free coffee and temporary shelter, which they probably were. In the medical world, if you need stitches, you have to get them within 6 hours of your injury. After four hours of waiting, I left. I had inquired with the staff several times, but I was just told to sit and wait. I could understand if they were extremely busy, but it was just me and the homeless men in the waiting room and virtually no one in the back. I know this because when I went to the back to ask about my waiting, I saw no patients, just people in scrubs horsing around. I felt as though I had sought medical attention in a daycare with homeless helpers.

My most important and upsetting experience includes my sweet Mother. My Mother has a severe latex allergy, which is referred to as latex anaphylaxis. This is not just a matter of don’t use latex gloves. Latex is in a multitude of common items such as rubber bands, shoe souls, fabric softener sheets and the list goes on. Her allergy is so severe, exposure for her can be deadly. When she begins to have an attack, all of her systems immediately begin to shut down. She has Epi pens, but still requires immediate medical attention. When this happens, I rush to her home (she lives right next door) and rush her to the hospital in the next county. But, as I said, it is about forty-five minutes away. When I finally arrive at the hospital, she is near death and usually unconscious.

One night she had an attack at a friend’s house nearby, so I rushed over right away. Her friend had already called 911 and told the dispatcher she was having an anaphylactic attack due to a severe latex allergy and to send an ambulance right away. Ambulances around here are with separate Medstat stations. They respond according to location and either take the patient to the nearest hospital or the hospital specified by the patient or the patient’s family. Mother was getting worse even after two Epi pens, and I just knew I was about to watch my Mother die there in the floor. The ambulance finally arrived and the two men (if that’s what you’d call them) carelessly got out and started to the house as if they were headed to lunch. I said, “Please hurry! My Mother is dying!” They finally made it inside the house, and they were covered in latex! The dispatcher had told them it was a shortness of breath call. We them had to waste more time and explain latex anaphylaxis to them. When asking them to at least remove their latex gloves, they took it personal, and the driver stomped off like an angry toddler. So, my Mother’s life was in the hands of these clowns. I asked them if they were going to help her or just keep staring at her (which they were doing because they didn’t know what to do) to which they threatened me with calling the sheriff’s department. An hour after they arrived, we finally began the forty-five minute drive to the hospital. We finally arrived and thankfully she survived, but it was a horrible experience. The next day I called the Medstat station to see what went wrong beginning with dispatch and to let them know the careless attitudes of their EMTs, but to no avail. The ignorant manager did not give a damn either and addressed none of my concerns.

This is my biggest fear about living in such a rural area with no immediate or efficient medical access. In future attacks, I will just have to administer my Mother’s Epi pens and pray I can make it to a decent ER in time.

The few Doctor’s offices that we have are no better. None of them accept new patients, and they all seem to cater to Medicaid recipients, being mostly pregnant teenagers. Because after all, we are the number one state for teen pregnancy. Another number one that we hold, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, is number of annual deaths. Mississippi has more deaths per year than any other state in the country. I can’t help but relate this to the lack of adequate healthcare. If we had proper medical attention and easier access to decent hospitals, would that number decline?

I go back to my wreck that I mentioned in the beginning of this article. Had I wrecked anywhere close to home, I truly believe that I would be a head count in that annual death rate. I just want people to know the some of the sacrifices that are sometimes attributed to small town living. I love living in the country. It has been my home my entire life, and I am proud to say that, but I am not proud enough to die over it.

Let it Be: If it’s Broke, Don’t Fix It

People always seem to be trying to “fix” things. Although I can understand fixing practical things like a car, a sink, or even a pet, but people want to fix their marriage, fix their job, or fix themselves. Fix, fix, fix. Society seems to have this unconscious obsession with things being fixed, that most of the time, don’t need fixin’. Is having everything in life perfectly “fixed” the answer to all of our problems? Or do we need some things to be broken in our lives to maintain a sense of normalcy?

When I first met him, my husband was a shoe cobbler. For those of you who do not know, a shoe cobbler is basically a shoe repairman. I had never heard of such until I met him. If any of my shoes ever broke, I would just toss them and buy a new pair. At the particular shop at which he worked, the prices for fixing the shoes were quite expensive. I would always wonder why the people coming in didn’t just do like me and buy more shoes instead of paying more than the shoes were worth getting them repaired. We are talking about everyday, run of the mill shoes here. Not Louboutins or Manolos, which I would understand doing a little repair on.

One day my husband even pointed to the shoes I was wearing and said, “You know, I could fix those for you?” to which I replied, “No, thanks. I need some things that are broken in my life.” So, what is the obsession with fixing everything? One doesn’t achieve character by being “fixed” up and having it all together. After all, I’ve always considered the most broken people to have the most honest hearts. Does it all have to be fixed in order to achieve happiness? I think not.

Hill Crest Cemetery: The Little Arlington of the South

  
One of the most historic places in the small town of Holly Springs, Mississippi, is Hill Crest Cemetery. For over a century, Hill Crest has become the final resting place for many a town folk, including U.S. Confederate Army Generals, Senators and famous painters.
  
   
 
  
“A precious one from us has gone, a voice we loved is stilled, a place is vacant in our home, which never can be filled.”

 It all began when one of the very first residents of Holly Springs, William S. Randolph, donated 24 acres to begin the cemetery. Mr. Randolph was one of the earliest settlers and founders of Holly Springs.

 

  

        
    
  

 Known as the “Little Arlington of the South,” Hill Crest Cemetery is home to five graves belonging to U.S. Confederate Army Generals. A monument honoring the Confederate dead has also been erected in their honor. Many other veterans, that served in later wars such as the Korean War or Vietnam, are also a part of Hill Crest Cemetery. Many times there will be a coin left on a soldier’s grave. This is meant as a message to the deceased soldier’s family. Leaving a nickel means that you were in boot camp with the deceased, a dime means that you served together, and a quarter means that you were with the deceased when he was killed. This is such a powerful yet silent message.

   

  

  

  
  

   

 Other notable residents of Hill Crests include Wall Doxey, a United States Senator and Congressman, Kate Freeman Clark, a famous painter and Hiram Rhodes Revels, who on February 25, 1870 became the first African American elected to the United States Senate representing Mississippi.

 

    
    
    
    
  Hill Crest is a beautiful cemetery booming with history. The grass and shrubbery is always groomed perfectly. It is a great place to learn about our past generations or just sit and gather your thoughts. Whether you are a tourist or a resident, Hill Crest is a must when in Holly Springs, Mississippi.

 

The Bible Belt: Heavenly Hypocrisy


Here in the heart of the bible belt, there is a church on every corner, literally. Religion here in the South is not just a part of life, it is a way of life. When you are asked, “What church do you go to?” you’re  expected to promptly respond with the name of a well known church. Not being a church regular, I respond with, “I don’t go to church,” after which I am given a look of judgment that would put Saint Peter to shame. Would it have been better for me to lie? I think not. Simply not going to church does not mean that I do not believe in God. I just choose to worship differently, as my belief system does not strictly abide by the rules and laws of any of the many churches of which I am surrounded by.

The bible belt is defined as being the group of states located in the Southeastern United States. Forty-Eight percent of the bible belt’s population is religious in the way that they regularly attend church. Nineteen percent of that forty-eight being Baptist. Therefore, Baptists dominate the bible belt. If you have ever been to a Baptist church, you know that it is boring as hell. Having said that, I may just get to experience that comparison first hand, however, I am speaking truthfully.

I grew up in the bible belt and have lived here my entire life. My family never pushed religion on me, but I was taught about religion. Not just Christianity, but I was taught about all forms of religion, and how they apply to different regions and cultures. I was left to freely make my choice as to which religion I wanted to be a part of and idenified with. That was an important part in my growing up experiece and my free thought processes. This taught me to think freely and make choices based upon my own opinions and not just make life decisions based on the theory that is just “what you are supposed to do,” which is what many bible belters believe. Religion is passed down from generation to generation and there is no opportunity for freedom of choice. It is as people are living a strictly choreographed lifestyle, and they don’t even know it.

This is not an attack on the bible belt or Christianity, but rather a inquistive article addressing some of the issues brought about by living here. When questioning a religion such as Christianity, most Christians see it as an attack on their way of life. The first amendment protects that, so trust me, there is nothing to worry about. However, freedom of religion includles all religions. Here in the bible belt, that is often forgotten or disregarded. In addition, Jesus said to love one another as he loves us, unconditionally, but if you are gay, pro-choice or an evolutionist, you don’t count here in this religious neck of the woods. Sorry, but Jesus did not include an asterisk next to this teaching. For instance, love one another *but only under the following conditions… that is not the way it goes, hence the word unconditionally. People of the bible belt fail to realize this. It is God’s place to judge, not ours. God loves us all. He loves us whether or not we attend church regularly, are gay or straight, or have different beliefs. He even loves you hypocrites who sit on the front pew every Sunday smiling in the preachers face after sleeping with his wife.

Each time I hear about the bible belt, it is always a negative remark. Being the proud southerner that I am, I started thinking about this. In my thinking, I realized, the bible belt does nothing to live up to it’s name. Orion’s Belt is more heavenly than the bible belt. I’m not shaming where I come from, I am calling out the people who make the bible belt what it is, which is a critical, judgmental, bullshit group of people, claiming to be Christians, nor am I passing judgment upon these poor souls. Judgment is one thing, but truth is another. Judgment is in God’s hands, but the truth will set you free.

Best Places to Visit on the Holly Springs, MS, Square

1.) Lost River Mercantile 

  

Lost River Mercantile is the most wonderfully unique store in Holly Springs. The owner, Andrea Edgeworth, has been in this type of business for over 30 years. From Texas to New Mexico, then Colorado to Mississippi, she brings a spicy, southwestern feel to our small, southern town. She has some amazing Sante Fean dresses, including the black one I am wearing pictured above. Once I tried it on, I just couldn’t pass it up. Her store includes gourmet foods, beverages, beautiful jewelry, clothing, boots, decor, you name it, she’s got it! She even recently started selling cakes, full and by the slice.

  

Stop in for a glass of lavender lemonade with Andrea, and she will delight you with her amazing stories of Sante Fe and knowledge of other cultures. The amazing essentricity of the store and Andrea’s passion for what she does makes Lost River Mercantile a perfect candidate for Best Places to Visit on the Holly Springs Square.

2.) Berries by TJ


You may think you’ve experienced a cupcake before, but until you’ve been to TJ’s Bakery, you’ve had nothing of the sort. Owner, TJ Turnage, is open 7 days a week, making the best cupcakes you will ever sink your teeth into.


 She has a beautiful talent for baking. She serves more than just cupcakes. She also serves candy apples, chocolate covered strawberries and croissants. Her custom cakes and wedding cakes are some of the best I’ve ever seen. Her cupcakes truly live up to being irresistible. Rocky Road, Strawberry with Cream Cheese icing, Red Velvet, Coconut, Maple Bacon and much more! My husband and I might have to renew our weddings vows just to buy one of her amazing wedding cakes!

  
3.) Retro Rooster/Angie’s Boutique 

Located in the historic IC Levy Building on the East side of the square, is Retro Rooster and Angie’s Boutique. Both under the same roof, however, each H ave different and unique items to offer. In Angie’s Boutique, you can find both male and female clothing, accessories, shoes, tees and monograms. Retro Rooster, located on the right side of the building, has a beautiful collection of antiques and home decor. The staff is extremely friendly and willing to assist. The fact that both of these great stores are under one roof make it a wonderful 2 in 1 stop shop for shopping for gifts, or just a little self indulgance.

4.) JB’s On the Square


 JB’s Restaurant on the Square is the best place in town for real southern cooking. If you are a first time visitor, you can expect to be greeted with genuine southern hospitality. They also have a full service bar open until 12 a.m. The bartender, Lynn, makes the best dirty martini you will ever taste! 

Karaoke and live music happens on the weekends, and they even have occasional crawfish boils that are amazing to say the least. Stop by and meet owners, Johnny Boone (JB) and wife, Nancy Boone, true southerners with a passion for pleasing customers.

“Who’s Gonna Fill Their  Shoes” 

I woke up to a text from my mother saying that Merle Haggard was dead. I wasn’t even awake good, and I was devastated. I’ve listened to Merle since I was a little girl, barefoot in the yard, with my granddaddy working on cars and blasting Merle from the car’s stereo. No one will fill his shoes that’s for sure. What a loss to the REAL country music world. One day soon all we will be left with in the country music world will be the ass shaking, stage falling, wannabes. Rest in Peace dear Merle, a true outlaw and talented musician, who needed no introduction. I saw him and Bob Dylan at the Orpheum theater in Memphis, TN, few years ago, and Merle was so amazing. When he sang silver wings, my heart just swelled. I love you, Merle, and you sure will be missed. You’ll always be, “My Favorite Memory of All.” 

Vitamin D or Vitamin Dead? 

How can something like the sun be so warm and happy, but deadly at the same time? I was diagnosed with squamous cell skin cancer right above my eyebrow a few years ago. It just looked like a little bump or dry skin or something, so I wasn’t very worried about it. Skin cancer runs in my family, so I have a check up every six months at the dermatologist. I just happened to mention it to the Doctor, and she wanted to biopsy it. They have a lab on site, so they were able to give me the results immediately. I was shocked, scared and worried. It was just a little dot, how bad could it be?? But she explained to me that skin cancer can go way beyond the surface and even start to affect the internal organs. This particular cancer, being right above my eye, needed to be removed immediately because of the sensitive area it was in. So, instead of trying surgery first, she suggested I try a cream that acts like chemotherapy in that it kills all the cells and basically eats away your skin. I was in so much pain and self conscience to say the least. I couldn’t cross paths with one single person who didn’t ask,”what is the horrible spot on your face?! What happended?!” Reluctantly, I would explain because as they halfway listened, I knew that they could care less because most people do not see skin cancer as a serious issue. But, from experience, I can tell you that it is. I went back for my check up and second biopsy to see if the cream was working, but after having a shot in my already diminishing brow, she took what looked like a small ice cream scoop to it for the biopsy. Mother and I impatiently waited for the results in the next room. Unfortunately, the Dr. came back in and said, “I’m glad we did the biopsy, it is deeper than expected and the cream would have never gotten rid of it all.” So, we go back to the room, she shoots me with deadening shots and scoops out more, to the point where there was a huge hole on my brow. As she kept having to deaden it, it was extremely painful. Luckily, the last scoop got it all. I had to immediately go to plastic surgery afterwards because my left brow was so mangled and basically gone. After plastic surgery, I was left with 13 external stitches and some internal. The pain afterwards was extreme. Even leaning down to pick something up was excruciating. I am posting this not for pity, but as advice to please protect yourself while in the sun. When I was younger, I laid in the tanning bed and didn’t take care of my skin as I should have. That and my genetic susceptibility to skin cancer are what I think what contributed to my skin cancer. Everyone is free to make their own choices, but please be aware of the consequences when getting in the tanning bed or being in the sun. Since my diagnosis, I have stopped tanning completely. If I am in the sun, I apply no lower than spf 50 and reapply every few hours. Since I started doing that, I am so happy with my skin. I just wanted to share my story with you all as we are entering the summer months. I have included post op pictures, so you all can see what I’m talking about. Thanks for reading. ☺️ 

2016 Pilgrimage

Holly Springs, Mississippi’s annual Pilgramage begins this weekend! Follow the link below for more information. 👒

http://www.hollyspringspilgrimage.com/ 

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